Healing Process
by Usami
Summary: "If…if you don't admit when something hurts…" she says slowly, "it won't get better, will it?"


So...I just fail at Persona fics.

This was an idea based on a post on the Nanako facebook page (yeah, it exists) during in-character day between Nanako and Kanji. I thought the idea was adorable, and the idea to me made so much _sense_ at the time, so I wanted to try writing it out. And...eh...

I just shouldn't write Persona fics...

Anyway, lots of thanks to the admin of the Kanji page, since he technically came up with a lot of it (I just took his words and turned it into this). And...I guess the admin of the Yu page, too (he was there for a little bit, haha). Despite how it turned out, I hope you enjoy.

**Healing Process**

The sounds from the television echo around the house, clear to you even as you stand in the foyer removing your shoes. You suspected that Nanako would already be home, and you aren't sure whether to feel relieved or concerned by her presence, given your current situation.

You automatically start to close the door, but catch yourself just in time to prevent it from closing in Kanji's face…though you're not entirely sure he would have noticed if it had. He still seems distracted from the events of earlier, and despite everything you and Yukiko talked about with him, nothing seems to have helped.

And after all that, you're not sure what good you could do for him now. But after he expressed his reluctance to return to his own home, you couldn't help but offer to let him stay with you for a while.

You enter the living room, walking slowly as Kanji trails behind you. "I'm home," you announce.

Nanako turns away from the TV, her face lighting up when she sees you. "Hi, Big Bro!" she greets cheerfully. "Welcome home!"

Then she pauses, and her smile fades when she notices Kanji. You can see in her expression that she realizes something's wrong.

"Kanji-nii-san…" she says softly, her eyes full of worry, "are you okay?"

Kanji blinks, snapping out of his daze to look at her. "Oh, hey, Nanako-chan. Uh…" He rubs the back of his head and looks away again, trying to find something else to focus on as he says, "I'm kinda having a rough day."

The television fills the otherwise silent room, but whatever program is on quickly becomes forgotten as Nanako rises to her feet, walking over to stand in front of Kanji. She looks up at him, the concern never leaving her face as she asks, "Did something happen?"

Kanji flinches a little at the question. "I, uh, I went to visit my dad today…" he replies, shrugging as if the answer was really that simple. "It's been a while since I had, so I figured 'why not?', y'know?"

Then he looks at Nanako and tries to smile, to seem at ease as if there was nothing to worry about. But the look on his face doesn't seem quite right. There's a little too much sadness in it, weighing down so the smile can't reach his eyes. Eventually he gives up with a sigh and takes a seat on the couch.

You know you should probably say something, and you really want to. But you honestly have no idea how you can help with this. You barely could do anything earlier either, when Kanji asked you and Yukiko to come with him and visit his father's grave. You had only been there for him to offer whatever comfort he could take from you, because you didn't know what to say. Yukiko had been much better support for the younger teen; having met Kanji's dad when he was still alive, she at least helped remind Kanji of all the good memories he had of his father.

And you had listened to everything, but that was all you _could_ do. Kanji hasn't said much since after Yukiko left, though, so you weren't able to do much else for him. Still, you figured you should try to say _something_.

Before you get the chance, though, Nanako moves, cutting you off as she sits next to Kanji on the couch.

Her eyes focus on her folded hands resting on her lap, but you can see her mind working, trying to find the right words to say. Then she looks back at Kanji. "Is your dad…in the same place with my mom?" she wonders.

Kanji looks at her, a little startled by the question. But after a moment, he nods slightly. "Yeah…" he mutters. Running a hand through his bleach-blond hair, he adds, "Not a day goes by that I don't miss him."

You remain quiet, suddenly realizing the importance of the exchange taking place before you. Because while Kanji _has_ talked to you about his thoughts and concerns, and while Kanji _has_ spoken to you about his father, he's _never_ revealed to you the deeper pain that you've heard in his words to Nanako just now. Even if it was just for a moment, and even just a little bit, Kanji has opened up more to your little cousin than you remember seeing or hearing from him before.

And knowing how delicate this subject is – for the both of them – you decide that it would be best to keep out of it. So you take a seat at the table nearby the couch, listening intently to the conversation. Listening is what you do best, after all.

You see Nanako nod and look down at her hands again. "Yeah…" she murmurs, "I miss my mom, too."

Kanji frowns a little. He looks almost sorry to have brought the matter up, and seems as though he's debating whether to continue or not. Eventually he decides to take the chance and go on, saying, "You know how I feel, then. It's just…kinda hard some days, y'know?" He clenches a fist, as though trying to hold on to whatever stubborn barrier kept his emotions back. "But I swore that I would be a man to help protect my ma. So I gotta stay strong."

The fight quickly drained from him, though, and he sighs, letting his head fall back to rest against the back of the couch. "Then again," he says wearily, "sometimes being a man means admitting that something hurts, doesn't it…?"

You detect the hesitation in Kanji's tone, knowing how much trouble he might have accepting that idea. After all the time he spent suppressing his feelings – his doubts and fears, his interests, everything that really makes Kanji who he is – in order to appear strong, to "be a man"…it would be difficult to admit that the one thing he really needs is to show what he thinks would make him weak.

You then notice the curious expression on Nanako's face as she looks at Kanji. She seems a little confused. "If…if you don't admit when something hurts…" she says slowly, "it won't get better, will it?"

It's such a simple, innocent statement, but the words are enough to mean something to Kanji. As he lifts his head to look at Nanako, you can see the words running through his head, forcing him to think, to consider…and to finally understand.

"…Yeah," he finally replies, realization resonating in his tone as pieces start falling into place for him. "Yeah, that's right. If you hold the pain in, you only make yourself suffer worse…"

Kanji suddenly chuckles a bit; it's the first real smile you've seen from him all day. Then he says to Nanako, "You're the most adult kid I know. Real mature…More mature than me, or even Senpai."

You grin, because you honestly can't argue with that. So you nod slightly, finally speaking up, "He's right. You really are mature."

Nanako blushes and ducks her head. "N-no, I'm not…" she murmurs, flustered.

Kanji ruffles her hair. "Sure you are. And you're smart, too."

Nanako smiles shyly, and a soft giggle bubbles from her throat. "It's only because I have Dad, and Big Bro, and everyone with me. You guys are always the ones teaching me." Still a little embarrassed – or maybe wanting to cheer Kanji up more – she hides her face as she leans towards Kanji and embraces him.

Kanji wraps an arm around her to return the hug. "You're a good kid, Nanako-chan."

She blushes at that, then pulls back and looks up at him with a smile. "If…if you're ever feeling lonely about your dad…I'm here, too."

Kanji nods solemnly, though the smile remains on his face. "Thanks."

You smile, finding it adorable that your cousin would make an offer like that. And you know Kanji needs it, too. There was still a lot about his father he hasn't mentioned, a lot of pain buried inside. There was still a lot of work to do before Kanji could really move on; this was just the first step.

It's good enough for now, though, as the atmosphere lightens considerably. You somehow feel as though your relationship to both Kanji and Nanako has grown deeper, and the three of you carry on the rest of the evening merrily engaged in casual conversation until Kanji has to go home.


End file.
